Volim da kupujem, 1

Volim da kupujem, 1. deo, naslovna stranica originala (1985).

U nastavku odabrane anegdote iz knjige...

THE POLAROID CAMERA

            At one store in Hawaii the lady was so nice. I wanted to buy a Polaroid camera. It cost ten dollars. But the saleslady said, "Don't buy it unless you can get film for it. We are all out of film, but you can look around. If you find the film, then come back and buy the camera."

            Ashrita went to four or five stores, but he couldn't get any film. He came back and told me. The lady said, "I told you! What is the use of buying a camera if you can't get film?" If it had been somewhere else, they would have said, "Buy the camera here and then look for film somewhere else."

- 1 January 1980

POLAROID FOTOAPARAT

            U jednoj prodavnici na Havajima prodavačica je bila tako ljubazna. Hteo sam da kupim polaroid fotoaparat. Cena je bila deset dolara. Ali prodavačica je rekla: "Nemojte da ga kupite dok ne nađete film za njega. Film je svima nestao, ali možete da potražite po prodavnicama. Ako pronađete film, onda se vratite i kupite aparat."

            Ašrita je otišao u četiri ili pet prodavnica, ali nije uspeo nigde da kupi film. Onda se vratio i rekao mi. Gospođa je rekla: "Rekla sam ja! Kakva korist od toga da kupite aparat, ako ne možete da nađete film?" Da je to bilo u nekoj drugoj prodavnici, prodavac bi rekao: "Kupite aparat kod nas, a onda potražite film u drugim prodavnicama."

- 1. januar 1980.

THE THIRTY-DOLLAR MEAL

            Many years ago I went to a restaurant alone. The waiter was wearing a tie and a black suit. He asked me if I had thirty dollars. He said, "Here the minimum is thirty dollars."

            I had two hundred dollars or more in my wallet but I said, "I thank you," and went away.

            The waiter probably thought that I didn't have thirty dollars. But although I did have it, I said to myself, "What am I going to eat for thirty dollars?" That is why I went away.

- 13 June 1982

OBROK OD TRIDESET DOLARA

            Pre mnogo godina pošao sam sam u jedan restoran. Konobar je nosio kravatu i crno odelo. Upitao me da li imam trideset dolara. Rekao je: "Ovde je minumum trideset dolara."

            Ja sam imao dve stotine dolara ili još više u novčaniku, ali sam rekao: "Mnogo Vam hvala," i otišao odatle.

            Konobar je verovatno mislio da nisam imao trideset dolara. Ali uprkos tome što sam ih imao, ja sam sam sebi rekao: "Šta ću samo da pojedem za trideset dolara?" Zato sam otišao.

- 13. jun 1982.

SUCH A NICE MAN

            I was at a fruit stand on 147th Street, beyond Jamaica Avenue. The Japanese girl there said to me, "Hi! I have not seen you for a long time."

            I said, "I have also not seen you for a long time."

            Then I got seven or eight items. I came to her and she added it up on the cash register. It came to $13. I said, "It is wrong. Are you sure?"

            She said, "Do you think I am overcharging you?"

            I said, "No, it seems to me that you have not charged me for all the items."

            Then she took the receipt out of the cash register and checked each item to show me that it was all right. I was wrong.

            Then she said, "You are such a nice man!"

- 31 October 1982

TAKO FINI ČOVEK

            Bio sam na tezgi s voćem u 147. ulici, preko Džemajka avenije. Japanka za tezgom mi reče: "Ćao! Nisam te videla već dugo."

            Ja rekoh: "Ni ja tebe nisam video već dugo."

            Onda sam uzeo sedam ili osam vrsta voća. Došao sam kod nje i ona je sabrala cenu na kasi. Ispalo je 13 dolara. Rekoh: "Nešto nije u redu. Jesi sigurna?"

            Ona reče: "Misliš da ti naplaćujem previše?"

            Ja odgovorih: "Ne, izgleda mi da nisi otkucala sve što sam uzeo."

            Onda ona izvuče račun iz kase i proveri sve stavke da bi mi pokazala da je sve uredu. Ja nisam bio u pravu.

            Potom reče: "Ti si tako fini čovek!"

- 31. oktobar 1982.

THE PHILOSOPHER

            I went to a bookstore yesterday. First I was reading religious books and then I got inspired to read some jokes. So I went to another shelf that had joke books. I was the only customer, so the owner was watching me. He said, "What are you doing? This moment you are reading religious books, and the next moment jokes!"

            I told him, "When I want to get joy in this world I read joke books, and when I want to get joy in the inner world I read spiritual books."

            So he said, "Are you a philosopher?"

            I said, "Yes."

            Then I continued reading the joke books.

- 11 December 1982

FILOZOF

            Otišao sam juče do knjižare. Prvo sam čitao knjige o religiji, a onda sam dobio inspiraciju da čitam šale. Tako sam otišao do druge police na kojoj su bile knjige šala. Ja sam bio jedina mušterija, pa me je vlasnik posmatrao. Reče: "Šta to radite? Malopre ste čitali knjige o religiji, a sad čitate šale!"

            Ja mu rekoh: "Kad želim da dobijem radost od ovog sveta, ja čitam knjige sa šalama. A kad želim da dobijem radost iz unutrašnjeg sveta, ja čitam duhovne knjige."

            On me upita: "Vi ste filozof?"

            Ja rekoh: "Jesam."

            Onda nsastavih da čitam knjige sa šalama.

- 11. decembar 1982.

Izbor i prevod: Dejan Maksimović